Thoughts about Deference

The difference between deference and fearing man is a fine line that is hard to identify. Actually, the difference cannot be seen, because it is a heart matter. Deference is a decision of the heart to keep a fellow brother or sister in Christ from sinning by restraining from some activity. Fearing man is restraining from an activity, because we are afraid of what that brother or sister thinks of us. It is a heart matter. Who are we trying to serve? God, by helping our brother not to sin? Or man, by being afraid of what they think of us?

In 1 Corinthians 8, Paul explains deference when he talks about an issue in the church of Corinth. This issue was about whether they could eat meat that was offered to idols. Paul said that it isn’t wrong; since there is only one God and that the idols are nothing (1 Corinthians 8:4, 6). However, Paul then says in verse 7, that not all the Christians know this and therefore when they see you eating that meat, they would being encouraged to eat that meat and then they would going against their conscience and sinning. We would be sinning with them, because we helped them stumble by what they see us doing.

1 Corinthians 8:13 seems up the duty of the more mature Christian. “Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.” Jesus also says in Matthew 18:6 “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” When we are more mature in certain areas where the Bible doesn’t directly say “thou shalt not,” we are to help keep those “little one” who have a weaker conscience, from stumbling, and then teach them what the Bible says on that area.

Fear of man is doing something because you are afraid of what others will think of you. It would be like not eating meat offered to idols because you are afraid that the other believers will think that you are ungodly. You are not trying to keep them from sinning, but are more concerned about what they will think of you if do or don’t do something. You are not looking at God’s Word to see whether something is wrong, but watching to see what other people think is godly and are doing it so that they will think of you as such. Selfishness is the motivation and not the interest of your fellow brothers in Christ.

A more modern way to show either deference or fear of man is in the issue that you have to only wear skirts to be modest and feminine. Well, the Bible does not say to only wear skirts, it says to be modest and to not dress in men’s clothes. There are pants that are made for women therefore when you wear them, you are being feminine. But there are people that think that you should only wear skirts. Deference would be to not wear pants around them so as to not become a stumbling block. While fear of man would be to not wear pants, so that you fit their definition of modesty and femininity.

The difference between deference and fear of man is not something that human eyes can see; only God can see it, because it is a matter of the heart. Deference is keeping yourself from being a stumbling block to those with a weaker conscience. Fear of man is thinking only of yourself and what others think of you.